Xpression.v2

Mental Suffocation (12/31/2005)

I tried my best to sit here and write something fucking spiteful
And full of stupid insults to hide the pain in my soul
But I think I’ve grown beyond that and some say that it’s much better
I gave you everything I had so we could maybe be together
Yet, now I sit here fed up just knowing that you used me
What was the fucking purpose of pretending that you knew me?
Another fucking person could have helped as well as I did
You could have given them the tears to swell behind their eyelids
And given me the silence of a girl who walked right by me
Instead of warming your way in and burning up inside me
To think I wasted so much time on trying to impress you
Like a little stupid kid with no chance to ever get you

But I’m not here to upset you, no, I just need some ventilation
I’m just letting out my anger, disappointment and frustration
All that dedication towards a single god damn person
I even used my rhymes to speak to you through verses
All for one damn purpose and one driving motivation
The signs I thought I saw in between all my notations
The mental suffocation, I must be so delirious
Cause now I fucking see there was never clearly us

I’ll have to come back later cause I don’t know what to say
I just can not comprehend why it always goes this way
I’m always thrown away after giving my affection
After hearing all the bitching ’bout the walls of my protection
So, I try a new direction and I open up a little
Only to discover that I’m right back in the middle
All those who have left me and all those who will leave
I can’t even fucking rhyme, never mind trying to breathe

Notes: I’m going through some bad writer’s block and this shit just adds to the swirling confusion. I know it sucks, please don’t remind me. It’s my fucking third attempt. Yes, for the curious, it’s directed at Maria. I guess I know why she kept stalling like that.

Filed under: Poems