Xpression.v2

Loveless Doubts (12/31/2005)

Staring down at the streets from the train high above them
Glancing at the people and I wonder who loves them
Or do they feel alone the same way that I do now
If they don’t, then I gues that I’ve founded a new crowd
And I’ll drown in this new doubt that I’ll be dying so lonely
Afraid to open up and let the people there know me
Cause they’ve only shown me this disappointment and hatred
I can see it in their eyes and the looks on their faces
The very small traces of the lies and deception
So I stay far away for my own self protection
But, with a bit of disgression, I’m a little bit weary
I need to make a friend but I can’t keep them near me
Cause these silent thoughts steer me in another direction
So they think I’m a loner, but that’s not my intention
And this inner reflection is now driving me crazy
You would think, after this, that it just wouldn’t phase me
But it still fucking shakes me and disturbs imperfection
And lets it float in my veins until I go to confession
But I know that confession won’t solve any problems
Until I find my own strength to face them and solve them

I don’t know where to go now, I can’t make my mind up
It’s funny how the stresses always seem to just line up
I should label this “My Rut” and simply call it my only
A little hole I can live in and forever be lonely
But I’m, stubborn, you know me, I’ll be back soon enough
Trying one more time to find myself my own love
And I’ll fail in disgust and once again come back whining
Complaining of the lies and the imperfection of timing
And here’s where you’ll find me, a lone man and his rhyming
A few hundred new lines about the same thing I’m writing
I’m hurting, not crying, the tears I don’t miss them
Now let me go back to trying to figure out Kristen

Notes: Phew. This one is much more complete than the last one. It’s not as emotional, but I’m just looking at a broader picture and not just the disappointment and hurt from the situation with Maria. I’m just trying to understand the trend and where I’m going wrong, every single time.

Filed under: Poems