Xpression.v2

The Unnatural Leader (12/25/2005)

I sit under the weight of all the expectations
The goals I never reached and the times filled with frustration
The lonely saturation of these shoes that never fit
Everyone expects more when I truely want to quit
And it starts to make me sick as I deal with aggravation
I’m worn from always failing and causing agitation
I still hold these reservations that I try to never show
Because some people need me to help them when they go
But, no I’m not a leader, so you should find somebody better
I can’t solve all these problems and help you through this weather
I’m fragile like a feather and will let you down again
You should lean on someone else cause I’m broken down, my friend
And as my hopes go down again, I regress back into hiding
A place where I’m alone and there is nobody beside me
There’s nothing left behind me and no one left to shatter
I tried to help you all everytime I saw you gather
But my purpose never mattered, cause I feel I let you down
I promised to be strong, but that strength was never found
There was never solid ground and I’m sick of the excuses
It’s time that I just grow up and admit I can be useless
But please, don’t think I’m stupid cause I gave my all to trying
I just couldn’t take the weight of failing, never flying
And now these wings are broken and in a million pieces
I tried my best to help but I gave in to the weakness

I guess what I’ve been saying is that I feel a little cornered
Pressed against a wall to keep it all in order
The people that I work with who ask me all these questions
And the friends I try to help with my roughened out suggestions
But it feels like so much pressure and I’m not sure I can take it
I want to help them all but I know that I can’t fake it
Cause everytime I’m shakened, I risk screwing someone’s life
There’s even fucking young people who look to me for right
And so I hold it all inside and try to bear it in me
But God it weighs me down and I’m cracking down within me
Just please give me assurance that I’m doing what’s been needed
I’m trying my damn best to be there when you need it

Notes: It’s pretty self explanatory. I’m simply going into the feeling of being relied on, a lot, but never really knowing if you’re the one people should be relying on. Maybe there’s someone better. Maybe I’ll screw it all up and wind up hurting someone. There was a middle stanza that I actually removed. It was only 8 lines and really didn’t fit.

Filed under: Poems