Xpression.v2

Fucking Hidden (11/25/2005)

I stood waiting for the train at 86th and Bay Parkway
Listening to the music and just thinking of my dark ways
Living in a scarred haze of never trusting people
Labeling their smiles as misgiving and so evil
Feeling fucking feeble as she whispered I’m a cutie
She was smiling back at me as if she fucking knew me
A girl with fucking beauty that I smiled and turned my back on
The confidence I had is what I lack just like a sad song
She had low rider pants on and was showing off her tatoo
Eyes to stop you cold ’til she knew she fucking had you
But the darkness fucking stabbed through and made me turn away
It blanked away my mind ’til there was nothing left to say
And so I walked away as I could hear my inner voices
Bickering between them ’bout all of my damn choices
The protection out of fear for rejection from another
Leaves me so alone in a world without much color
Feeling fucking smothered by the weight of my frustation
Tearing out my veins as I lose my sense of patience
The eternal agitation summed up in one damn moment
Where I had her in my grasp and I could not fucking own it

Man, it kills to me to still see how much I let the feelings guide me
‘Til the point that I’m asleep, I will always let them hide me
Where no one will ever find me, not even Mrs. Low Rider
The one who isn’t weak and won’t let her coma guide her
Cause she didn’t have the fear of the open opportunity
I wish I could have seen and she could have gotten through to me
It must be fucking lunacy to think the world will spite you
From behind the hollow shell that you use to fucking hide you

Notes: It’s pretty self explanatory, though this is probably one of the few times I ever talk about one specific situation with such detail. I was thinking about my retardedness while waiting for the train and well, the rest says it all. The title? Well, I curse so much in this one, I figured I might as well cap it off with one more.

Filed under: Poems