Xpression.v2

Page Turning (11/8/2005)

I always sit here and preach about all the pain that I feel
Every day I go on and try to make it seem real
All the layers I peel to expose my true essence
Are part of a shell used to conceal my confessions
And they become my obsessions as I sit here and write this
I take every precaution to make sure that you like this
I’m not really a fighter, just a kid without any purpose
A simple look in the mirror shows me a person that’s worthless
But, enough with the circus and the controversy around me
I’m tired of tears from all the hate that surrounds me
The maturity’s found me and now I know how to show it
I just hope I can do this and not drop or blow it
So I grip it and hold it as I advance towards the paper
God, give me the strength to become more than a hater
I always feel so much safer when I have something to write on
But it’s only the pain that seems to turn all my mind on

When I look back at the past and see a thousand blank faces
Different people I knew from all of the same fucking places
It makes me feel anxious and I’m too scared to approach it
Their words like a book and I’ve been wishing to close it
Cause those people don’t know it, but I’ve changed for the better
At least I think I have changed and it should show in this letter
To Kristen I’m sorry, the same goes to my aunt and my uncle
The words that I wrote were never that gentle or subtle
And so I drowned in a puddle of the tears of emotion
Without thinking it out and just avoiding commotion
My best wishes to you, especially to you my dear Kristen
We all make our mistakes, but I’m starting to listen
To the voices inside that try to act as my guide
And fill me with pride while giving me all my time to cry
It’s all bottled inside, but one day I’ll release it
And set everything straight so the whole world can believe it
But until that time comes, I want to emphasize my apology
I’m trying to learn from the past even though I’m not scholarly
I’m just a stupid kid with a heart trying to find his position
And to find some acceptance for the person within him

Notes: You have to read it more slowly than my usual pieces. I did it that way on purpose so people couldn’t fly over the meaning. I’m just pouring out some stuff I’ve been trying to put into words for a while. I don’t know if it’s any good or not, but it’s as honest as can be.

Filed under: Poems