Archive for October, 2005

Short Outburst

0
6 years ago
by bangbang023 in

Short Outburst (10/3/2005)

I explode with emotion, too often, causing commotion
It’s like I’m bound to the hatred, the only one who is chosen
God, I’m feeling so frozen, I’m so scarred from confusion
That I just want to give up and join you in delusion
But, with your painful intrusion and abuse of my friendship
I refuse to lie down ’til I can take it and end it
I cherished the moments that I was graced with your presence
But the restrictions you placed have stripped it of it’s essence
And I’m here with a message, though I know you’ll ignore it
It’s a thought I denied, stuffed it way down in storage
Now, I’m digging deep for it in some hope to repair it
If I find the right answer, I will call you and share it

So, what am I doing? Where do I walk to from here?
I don’t have a damn clue and I am so full of fear
The voices I hear lead me to my self destruction
The hurt I’ve ignored has led to my soul’s corruption
And the hate’s in production, I’m sarcastic and jaded
I’m sharing my pain with those I feel that should take it
Just grab it and rape it and break it to pieces
Burn up all that I feel and just end what is ceaseless
Cause I don’t really need this, I don’t want to have it
It has broken me down and led me to my habits
I’m a prick, I’m an addict, I am nothing you’ve needed
Just tear out my veins ’til you’ve won and succeeded

Note: My third attempt at addressing all that’s on my mind. The relationship that Maria and I have shared is winding down and this is my addressal of it. It’s a little shorter than my usual stuff, but this was my third attempt tonight and I’m exhausted now.

October Begins

1
6 years ago
by bangbang023 in

October is one of those months that invokes a lot of thought and usually brings about change in my life. I was born in October. I joined Neowin in October. I started work at Best Buy in October. Summer’s gone, completely, in October.

So, yeah, this month starts a few months of chaos for me. Work is going to get a lot busier because of the holiday season. Thankfully Maurice came back so I’m not the only veteran left, but I still have way too much weight upon my shoulders in terms of carrying the team. I don’t even get to sell much, anymore. I’m usually running around fixing displays, telling people what to do, filling out paper work, ringing up cash, answering everyone’s questions and dealing with customers at customer service. When I do ge ta chance to sell, I always wind up getting the customers who want the best plasma TV and 5.1 sound system for about $2.57. It drives me nuts. These people don’t care about getting set up properly. For them, size is the only thing that matters. Sure, it looks like shit and they aren’t able to get any HD content on their new HDTV, but at least the picture is fucking huge. I just hate that. If you’re going to spend money, spend it wisely and make sure you get everything done right. It’s not like I get richer if you buy more since I’m non-commision, anyway.

My birthday is also around the corner. I’m going to be 22. Time flies, doesn’t it? I miss being 17/18/19. Those years, I could do anything and everything. I had energy, my back wasn’t too bad, my knees were getting better and I was just living it up. Now, I’m almost 22, stressed out from work and realizing that the stress will only get worse once I expand my schedule. Is this what life is? You grow up hearing how wonderful the world is. Then, you grow up, and it’s a lot more grey than the pictures people had painted for you. The funny thing is, I almost like work now. I like who I work with and the managers aren’t too bad. It always comes back to the customers. I get stressed out and all is ruined. I just don’t have the ability to sugar coat things. I’m too direct and confrontational. I used to not even be able to speak to people and now I’m fighting with people I don’t even know. Go figure.

Speaking of birthdays and attempting to get to happier subjects, Neowin.net is celebrating it’s 5th Birthday. We have a give away going on and there are some awesome prizes, including an iPod Nano. I’d like to personally thank Trevor, from Trend Micro, and Maurizio, from Versoworks, for being so generous in donating their software as prizes. They were amazingly helpful when I contacted them and I appreciated it, as I’m sure the community does, also.

That’s about it, for now. Go Yankees.

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