Inner Rubble (10/23/2005)

Locked behind the shell of all the confidence I’m lacking
I’m so lost inside a hell of a life with paper backing
It’s hard, I’m always tracking and looking for deception
And pray that you’ll attack me with the plans of your conception
So at the smallest little mention of a word that could be hurtful
I let it beat me down until I’m black and blue and purple
I’ll be running in a circle ’til you reach point of departure
Everytime somebody leaves, the trust becomes much harder
But, it’s hard to disregard her when you see what’s down inside her
Someone to level out but needs me there to guide her
And walk, right there, beside her as I try to crack the shell
So I can open up my heart and expose my only self

Now I’m so confused ’bout the path of life I’ve chosen
I’m so cold to the whole world, my soul is better frozen
And if it were to open, I’m afraid of finding pain
I’ve been there once before and it’s not my kind of game
So I made a choice to change and to close up who I am
Use logic, not emotion, and just pray you understand
To take away my hand and to ask you all to leave me
But all the logic jams when she calls and wants to see me

Fuck, there goes my focus, this girl will drive me crazy
It’s like she wants me open in some vain attempt to save me
Or maybe, just a maybe, I’ve earned nothing but her pity
Why do I even try? I must be fucking kidding
Cause, right from where I’m sitting, I see nothing to desire
None of what she wants and a long extinguished fire
Why do is this so dire? Why does it even matter?
She makes me want to open, but what’s inside has shattered