Xpression.v2

I tried going to work today, except I got soaked on the way there by the wind swept rains and had to turn around and come back home. Now’s the perfect time to just get out what’s been on my mind lately.

My writing is suffering and stagnant, my mind is all fogged up, and I’m generally lost in this life. The other day I went to a U2 concert with Joe and I couldn’t even connect to the music because it was too happy for me. Why do I only relate to hate and anger and pain? Why can’t I be as happy as so many people out there? It drives me insane to be so cold and distant, but it’s all that I know.

My birthday is coming up soon and I’m going to be 22. At this point in my life, some people want me to get a better job or at least double my hours at Best Buy and some want me to go back to school. The thing is, no one seems to care that I’m miserable. I can joke and have fun, but inside I’m so beaten and no one seems to just want me to be happy. I’ll handle all the shit I need to when the time comes for it, but I can’t do anything if I’m falling apart.

I can’t even write as well as I used to. If I can’t write, then I can’t do anything else because writing is like breathing for me. I need it and love it. I’ve been scrapping more poems lately than I can even count. Last night, I tossed out a good 28 lines because I just couldn’t get it to go where I wanted it to. It’s one of the worst feelings to have.

Meh, I don’t know what else to say. I don’t want to talk about this with people. I want to handle it on my own and know that I failed or succeeded by my doing only. Thanks for listening.

Filed under: Journal