Lost in a Stare (10/9/2005)

Looking back on the things that both of us said
I get lost in the circles that float in my head
I never really knew you until you had left
I just sat in the glow of the lies that you fed
But now I do my best to stand on my feet
And even though I bleed I just don’t feel that weak
You were not the one listening when I would speak
So, now I’ll seal you off like you did to me
Cause things failed to go the way that I planned
And I lost myself inside of your hands
It’s a lesson learned, a new scar I can wear
I’ll go back to the world where nobody is there
And find repair in the rhymes that I write
And try to stare through the times that I cry
Pieces scattered, but there still to gather
You had some control but my heart hasn’t shattered

So, where do I go and what road do I choose?
I hope you watch close as I follow the clues
I’ll be walking along with unconfident shoes
A path to break through the nonsense with you
But, as I find the truth and I learn all the facts
I find the news and I discover the act
Space filler, just another fake thriller
I was holding a spot, this wasn’t fate’s killer
Just another fake chiller with a cold for my heart
You used me all up and then you tore apart
I gave you my heart, now I’m back at the start
Though, now I’m able speak without that regard
And I tried so hard to show that I cared
I held my pain so I could take what you shared
Now I act so tough because you’re not there
But you’re on my mind when I get lost in a stare

Notes: This one, technically, is different than a lot of my other pieces in that I change the flow mid verse. It just felt like something I should do in this case. The poem itself is kind of scattered in terms of its message, but it’s a perfect depiction of the feelings I’ve been going through after things fell apart with Maria. I put a lot of work into that friendship/potential relationship and to have something so important fall apart so quickly can leave one feeling lost and struggling to find the meaning.