Xpression.v2

A Letter To…Alex (9/29/2005)

I still remember, back in time, walking in the rain
Holding hands so lovingly and never feeling pain
But things started to change, well, I guess it was all me
Growing up inside myself caused my shell to bleed
Yet, what I failed to see was the way that I behaved
There’s no easy way to say it, I acted so insane
Cause somewhere in the pain, I lost track of the time
Before I knew what happened, we were both on different sides
And I was fighting for my pride as the anger filled my mind
One minute I was screaming, the next I fell and cried
And slowly it all died as I acted out my hatred
I couldn’t even fake it that I could sit and take it
So I put our love in danger and watched it as it shattered
I tried to brush it off, but inside my heart was battered
A damn repeating pattern that I forced into your life
Of circumstance and friendship and the darkness that I hide
And, no, it wasn’t right, but you couldn’t see inside
The mess that I became in the basement that I cried
Sleeping through the light to avoid all of my burdens
But, then again at night, I really had no purpose
A chaos and a circus and the voices in my head
I wish I did it differently, never done but said
Laying in my bed, I’d pray for something better
But then I walked away and it rained inside forever
Though now I get together all the pieces that were broken
Looking back forever at all the little tokens
A little star with writing and a book with blackened pages
I can’t explain the feeling and I’m a little scared to face it

If you’d ask me for the reason, I wouldn’t really have one
I’m writing this so nervously, this rhyme is not a sad one
But I think it is a fair one, as I take up all the blame
And be the man I wasn’t when I had the chance to change
Cause now I’m less deranged and a little less insane
There’s a little more stability and heart inside my brain
And I think I’ll be okay, even as we grow more distant
Yet we continue to evade and let fear be so persistant
Though, I wish I were resistant and a little more insistent
On fixing everything, with God there for some assistance
But if we never fix this, please believe me when I say
I loved all that we shared, even through the times of hate

Notes: Finally continuing the series. This one is a little rough around the edges as it’s still hard to gather my thoughts on the subject. I tried. All I can do is try and hope that it makes sense.

Filed under: Poems