Trying to Find Balance
After my school girl like shrieks about the Staind show, I figured I’d come back with some more coherent thoughts. I’m just nice like that.
So, it’s been a week/month/two months from hell. The stress levels keep on rising and I’m really starting to feel the toll, both mentally and physically. My thoughts are all clouded, I’m running low on energy, and I have had some bad back pain resulting from things I have to do at work.
Work has just been hectic. Who is having their job threatened, who has managers trying to pull them out of Home Theater, and so on and so forth. It’s hard to meet your financial goals when half the department is depressed or pissed off at the management. I try to let them vent on me, as always and do my best to ge tthem to level off a bit, but it’s draining on me, too. At times, I just want to sit the managers down and yell “What the fuck are you morons doing out there!?”. I’ve never seen such poor leadership in my life and this is coming from someone who’s current pastor is a complete idiot.
On top of that, I’m trying to sorely balance other people’s lives and help them through various problems while I get no help in return. It’s hard when no one I know has the true ability to listen to me. Add to that the fact that I’m very picky about who I’ll talk to and I basically have no one to hear me speak. I tried talking to Maria, but she lacks any and all capacity to listen and, well, not laugh at everything. I’m not mad at her for it, but just feel a little left out in the cold after I’ve been there for her so often. I don’t need the answers to my problems; I just need her not to laugh. I’m just picky like that.
This Staind concert is something I’m really grateful for. It’ll be a temporary escape that, I hope, will allow me to sweat/headbang/scream some of this damned stress away. I need something, afterall. I’ve been too miserable to not need it.
Filed under: Journal