Gasp of Exhaustion
Gasp of Exhaustion (8/17/2005)
The words that I speak are often lost in translation
I see love, you see hate, now you see me fill with frustration
All the verbal gestation and the preparation I go through
Just to spit a few lines that I can present you and show you
But why does it throw you and the meaning not flow through?
Does the beat have you twisted? Does the rhyme pattern slow you?
I don’t fucking know you and assume you’re not stupid
But it just goes to show you that this talent is useless
It’s all wasted and putrid from a man who is clueless
I don’t know shit about life yet I sit here and do this
Rocky or fluid, it’s not something that matters
It’s like speaking to walls, meaning lost and all shattered
From all the mad hatters to the cheshire catters
To the stars in the sky that confuse all my chatter
I sweat and I clammer just to have nobody get it
No damn clue what I’m saying no matter how that I said it
And somehow I regret it, I fucking hate the confusion
I pour out my soul and give you the chance for inclusion
When you say I’m not open and I don’t fucking say shit
Did you read my damn rhymes or will you once again fake it?
Stare at me faceless, blank eyes for the lying
You think that you know me, but you don’t know my writing
But why bother fighting? Why should I care if you listen?
I’ll go back to my corner, curled in the fetal position
Man, I’m just tired and I have no thoughts I can go with
I’m exhausted from trying to find a beat I can flow with
I wish that someone would notice the things I keep saying
Pick up on the lines and just notice I’m praying
From a soul that’s decaying to a God that can’t hear me
Words I’ll keep saying ’til the whole world will jeer me
It’s okay if you fear me and wish to keep distance
I hate myself too at this moment and instant
Should I keep with persistance or back away slowly?
Crawl back to the hole so the whole world can’t know me
Will somebody show me how to maintain my essence
I’m eroding away the more I learn all these lessons
Note: To really feel this one, you have to imagine it as I wrote it. The first stanza is basically me screaming at everyone about how I hate being misunderstood and how no one pays close enough attention to my writing and how, sometimes, I feel like this “talent” is a complete waste. The second stanza is where I just collapse and fall back from exhaustion and simply mutter and cry out my last words before going back into hiding. It’s just how I feel right now.
Filed under: Poems