Boredom brings a wallpaper
Feb 11th
I’ve been a bit bored lately. Between being snowed in yesterday and being home this morning, I’ve had a lot of time on my hands. During this time, I decide to take a few pictures of the snow storm from my front stoop. One of these shots looked pretty promising and I decided to make it into a wallpaper. Now, remember, this picture was taken with an aging Canon SD1000 point and shoot, so the quality isn’t that of an SLR. I hope someone enjoys it, nonetheless.
I’ve also included both widescreen aspect ratios. The wallpaper was originally created in a 16:10 ratio for my personal uses, but I worked on a decent enough 16:9 version for people with modern monitors or laptops.
16:10 aspect ratio:
16:9 aspect ratio:
The perfect couple
Feb 6th
While it mostly comes from Melanie’s girl friends, I’m still surprised by the number of people who think we are the perfect couple. Don’t get me wrong, I think we’re a great couple, but we fight and disagree and go through the same things many other couples go through. We’re not perfect people and effort is required to keep the relationship going just as with anyone else’s relationship. Yet, we’re perfect.
Then we have my sister and my roommate. In my eyes, THEY were always the perfect couple. I was amazed to hear, when talking to my sister, that they fought just like Melanie and I do. It’s actually eerie to hear how many of the arguments are the same even if the people involved are completely different. The perfect couple, in my eyes, was the same as Melanie and I. Wow.
I started thinking and I’ve come to the conclusion that everyone knows a couple that they see as “the perfect couple”. That couple never seems to fight and, probably, appears to be the epitome of love. Behind closed doors, though, I bet they’re just like the rest of us. They fight and disagree and have those moments where they want to throw each other down a flight of stairs. We all have those moments, yet, everyone’s in love.
So, you know what? Melanie and I are the perfect couple. Hell, my sister and my roomie are the perfect couple, too. I think any couple that can go above that crush stage and make each other happy a majority of the time is, in fact, the perfect couple. This isn’t the movies. This isn’t TV. Some fights are stupid, some are nasty, and some are for the sake of fighting, but it never lasts long, cause there’s always that love. I love her. She loves me. Yeah, we’re perfect.
Separating work from the rest
Jan 30th
I need to start creating clear distinctions in my life and keep work from spilling into my personal life. To top it off, I need to stop getting stressed out, so easily, at work. It’s all serving to throw off my happiness outside of the big blue box and I’m sick of it.
Even though I mentioned it second, learning to not get stressed out at work should, probably, be my first priority. I go in and get pissed off because the people around me don’t seem to care as much as I do. I talk to managers and supervisors and get no where. I spin my wheels, get aggravated, and let it sit with me the rest of the day. Why should I care if no one else does? If I have to spend every single day cleaning up someone else’s mistakes, then that’s my management’s choice in how they’re spending labor. I get paid, either way.
Regardless of how successful I am with that, I need to make sure any stress I do encounter stays in that building once I punch out. It winds up exhausting me, making me feel old, and interfering with things like my relationship with Melanie. I’m too young to feel this old and I’m done with it. I’m not going to run out and start doing 8 balls, but maybe I’d like to be able to laugh and have a beer and just enjoy a night with my girlfriend, whether we’re going out or sitting home and bumming around. I don’t get paid enough to carry that burden around with me and I won’t do it, anymore.
Cloudy View
Jan 23rd
I’ve been clouded by the smoke of what’s becoming your obsession
Wind blows in my direction and it blurs out the perfection
This verse is with discretion cause it’s not said with aggression
Just a little means of venting in this rhyming flowing session
My confident confession is it tends to be a turn off
Mixed feelings on the subject and a shortened fuse to burn off
I try to shed concern off, but I don’t have the ability
Without being so dramatic, the images are killing me
The thoughts alone are filling me as I wish it off so willingly
But every ounce of effort leaves the pictures there and still in me
Paranoia’s billing me and I’m running out of wages
Insanity’s contagious and it’s laced across these pages
And through a mind that races, it screws up all the paces
Anxiety is calling and it’s lacking any patience
It really is outrageous to see how it all can get to me
But I’m keeping it all quiet because it’s all been said to me
And every word’s been fed to me, repeated and proclaimed to me
Our polarizing visions of something that’s insane to me
But it’s the way the pain must be to save the greater picture
So, I try to hold it in and then drown it with a mixture
Of thoughts and other pictures and anything that’s richer
The thousand other things that a Misses gives to Mister
But I’m only getting sicker and will be til it’s finished
And I continue hoping that we won’t leave this diminished
Getting into shape and losing a scale
Jan 20th
My roommate, James, and I have been talking about how out of shape we both are. We both realized how bad our cardio was and James also thought he could lose a few pounds. We talked for months about it, but finally decided to do something to change the situation, so we went to Walmart and bought an exercise bike. Why a bike? Well, for me, I’ve always been a fan of bike riding in the summer, so this felt like a natural extension of that love and a great way of keeping me on my workout routine.
We had a limited budget to work with, so Walmart made the most sense, even if I’m not a fan of them. James and I both wanted a recumbent bike for the obvious comfort reasons, but settled on a nicely priced upright. The bike isn’t super high end, but it does the job and, during my first two workouts, I’ve had my ass handed to me. The thing I like most about it is the set of 8 preset workout routines that automatically adjust the resistance over a period of 20 or 30 minutes. These presets push me harder than I would, otherwise, push myself if I had to manually choose the resistance. Here’s hoping I find the strength to keep this all going and finally get back to the shape I used to be in.
As a side story, we also bought a scale in Walmart after our other one broke a few months back. We found a nice little digital scale for $18 and put it in the cart. Unfortunately, we were so wrapped up in getting the bike to fit in the car, that none of us (our girlfriends came with us) thought to take the bag out of the cart and into the car. I hope whoever found it is enjoying the damn thing.
Always quality over quantity
Jan 19th
It’s been a few days since I’ve checked in and I promise I won’t be returning to those extended periods of silence. Something came up, however, and I had to deal with it and the process was very exhausting.
I’ve realized, lately, the importance of friends. I know I’ve always been a bit more introverted than the usual person, but I’ve been coming out of my shell over the past years and having good people around you is key to remaining stable and happy. I guess a lot of it comes down to the relationship I have with Melanie. To be in a relationship, you have to open up and she cracked me a peanut. The rest just comes with the territory, I guess.
High school is a lot like Myspace. The number of friends you have always seems like a big deal and people go for as many friends as possible. There’s always exceptions, but I know most people, when I were in high school, called way too many people their “friends” when they were really just acquaintances, at best. I was no different. Even in my shy and loner ways, I tried to be everybody’s friend and desperately tried to add to that total number. I kept a lot of people around and in my life when all they did was take from it. Things have changed, though.
I’m the first to admit that I don’t have many friends. I’m just not that guy. The few friends I do have, however, I appreciate more and more as time goes on. I’m not going to mention names because I’m sure some people will feel excluded and throw a hissy fit for no reason, but if you’re my friend, thank you. You guys have been immensely helpful as I go through my 20’s and I’d be much crazier if you all weren’t around to keep me in check. Forget dozens or hundreds of friends, I only need a select few good ones and you all fit that bill so well.
Fighter, King, and Singer
Jan 11th
I’m the heavy hearted fighter with too many thoughts inside me
The might be’s and why me’s have come around to bite me
I might need a miracle or a shroud to hide me
Or a fucking answer to the questions that can blind me
They find me, they found me, they come around to drown me
With led inside their knuckles, they beat me down and pound me
Bone to the metal, a hope that was astounding
Beaten by reality that’s bent and used to crown me
As the king of all destruction, the throne on which I fall on
Is built upon the bruises and what I thought was all gone
I’m used to singing your song of hope and inspiration
But I’m bellowing the old tunes of my only devastation
Cause this lowly desecration of everything I worked for
Has become the crowning victor of everything I hurt for
It’s what I use this verse for and what I’ve lost the nerve for
A fighter, king and singer has been broken down at her door
With punches that have lost their weight and legs that only buckle
And a crown that falls to pieces, you can see it fucking crumble
The notes are never magic as I studder and I stumble
All of us are broken down by these fucking knuckles
And as we take our troubles and let them run their courses
I can only pray a little bit that they are greater forces
Forces than can beat me and always rise above
Force that can take away a queen and all this love
Notes: Bear with me people. Trying to work this shit out the best way I know how.
Letters in Lessons
Jan 11th
This is the moment that I’ve dreaded, but I know I have to face it
With humility and patience as we crawl across these pages
With the walls of all these faces that contribute conversation
We can choose to lock them out or make them our congregation
With a little moderation and this truth intoxication
Perhaps your doubts can fall from their stool of domination
I hate their every whisper, but for you I’ll sit and take them
Your words are fucking brutal, but I’m cool to fucking face them
And I’m sorry for the swearing and the times I was complacent
I felt this love was wasted if I didn’t show this patience
But a little too much patience can make everything seem tasteless
And you see me in the greyness with the nothing I’ve been laced with
And you begin to grow to hate this and question its correctness
Maybe nothing can be right if we’re never fucking wreckless
Cause if every other sentence is collected from generics
Then is anything, at all, capable of being cherished?
But if everything should perish, then I need to send this message
A hundred of these letters put together in this lesson
It’s not about obsession or being or possession
It’s all about just knowing when everybody else is guessin’
And I guess that’s just my lesson, the fact that I still know it
That I love you more than ever, even when I fail to show it
My heart is racing rapidly and I don’t know how to slow it
We can race across the finish or sit back as we both grow it
Notes: Just clearing my mind. Wanted it to be longer, but it would have trailed off.
My jacket was stolen
Jan 9th
There’s nothing catchy or humorous or silly about the title because I’m in no mood to laugh. This is the dumbest shit I’ve had to deal with in a while.
Today was actually a decent day at work. Things didn’t go as planned and work moved a little more slowly than I would have liked, but I made a tangible difference by being there and that’s always good. Things quickly changed after I punched out, though. I went to go get my jacket and my hoody and, well, neither were in the locker that I had placed them in. This was about to get frustrating.
I started looking through all of the lockers in a frenzy as I prayed to God that I would find my stuff. None of the lockers contained my possessions and I was growing increasingly worried. I went into the employee lounge and looked around and found my hoody, thrown on a chair. I had no idea how it found it’s way there, but I was glad to have found it. My jacket, though, was no where to be found. After frantically searching, I went over to the store security and asked them if anyone had been in the lockers. He told me he needed to contact the third party security guys because they knew about it. I had hope until they spoke.
Apparently, my hoody was put into the employee lounge after they caught a woman going through the lockers. Most of us don’t put locks on them and she decided she was going to go into the employee area and start rummaging around. The third party security guard actually watched her doing all of this instead of immediately asking her to leave. Somehow, while this ass was watching, she managed to throw something into my locker and took my jacket as it was, obviously, fair compensation. Since my gloves and face mask were in my jacket pockets, she also got those. I guess she’ll be nice and fucking warm.
At this point, I just left the store. I went next door and bought a new jacket at Modell’s. They had almost the exact same jacket (minor differences) for half off, so I got it for $130. That’s not horrible, but it’s not money I wanted to spend. I actually wound up losing money today instead of gaining. It would have been more economically sound for me to stay home as I would have lost less money. All of this because the third party guard was too busy trying to catch someone stealing product instead of thwarting the problem, in the first place. Thanks for that.
Android will be on my next phone
Jan 8th
I’ve had two interactions with Android, Google’s mobile phone operating system. The first time I had a taste of the glory was on my sister’s Motorola Droid. Then, today, I installed a really rough build of Android on my HTC Fuze. It was a little slow and some of the features aren’t complete, yet, but it felt so much better than Windows, already.
I’ve been talking about this with a few people recently. Android really seems to be that perfect middle ground between the iPhone’s beauty and usability and Windows Mobile’s customization and power. Everything about it is well done and, being that it’s a rather new operating system, it’s designed around a high speed, touch screen world. That’s the problem with Windows Mobile. It’s so old and Microsoft rested on their laurels for so long, that it just doesn’t meet the needs of a user today. The interface still isn’t finger friendly and there’s a certain beauty that’s still missing from it all. The problems aren’t only skin deep, though. Hell, the fact that text messaging is still such a struggle for the OS is ridiculous beyond belief.
I don’t like how the iPhone locks you down to the old mantra of “Apple’s way or the high way” and I hate how Windows Mobile struggles to get anything done. Android is that fine balance of power and beauty and it’s won me over. The iPhone never wow’ed me like this and neither did any other mobile OS. It’s all about the world of Google, now and, even though they may hate my privacy, I’m going with Android when I can afford to do so.
