There’s a lot to live up to, the bar has been raised
I can’t help but stare and get lost in a daze
And while I’m off in the gaze, I find myself so afraid
What if I can’t reach it? Is it too far away?
Can the bar be attained? Can I simply deliver?
There’s just too many questions that crawl in the shiver
Everything that I give her: Is it simply enough?
I was born as a quitter, but I’d hate to give up
Lose the race and slip up and fall far away
From the place that I’m at with this soul’s heart today
This heart won’t give way and give in to the fear
But it’s hard to live up to the years after year
Cause the past is still near and I wish it was further
The thoughts of the haze and the people that hurt her
The anger has fervor that blends with despair
And a few lonely thoughts that it’s all so unfair
But I can’t sit and stare, even though I still do
I just need a few walls so it all won’t spill through
I need to crawl through and see what I have with her
And pray it’s enough, all the love and the laughs with her
And so when I shiver or doubt my ability
To make her just smile, the doubts that are killing me
She’ll be the sole will in me to make me get over
And love her much more as we grow a bit older
Ok, perhaps the exclamation point wasn’t needed, but, for all I know, the internet was a barren wasteland without me. Shut up. I need my delusions.
Obviously, the main reason I was gone was because of the baseball road trip with Joe. It was pretty cool. Cleveland was the nicest stay and the only game that we didn’t leave early because of rain. I’m not sure I need to talk too much about the day to day details, though, since I had the Twitter posts going the entire time I was gone.
What I would like to talk about is how my life has changed so much since we planned the trip. I wanted to go so badly because it would be a means of escaping the life I had here. I would get away for a week and none of it would follow me. Little did I know that I would find love and happiness and so much more in the time between planning and leaving on June 23rd. I actually wound up missing Melanie and home the entire time. Life is good for me, now. Sure, I’m still light years behind where I should be with my career, but as far as my personal life goes, things are very good for me and I don’t see a need in running from it, anymore. It’s a weird feeling, but I won’t complain too much.
Another reason I haven’t written much is that I’ve also been spending a lot of time with Melanie. We won’t be seeing each other today because she has family obligations, but, otherwise, we spend almost every day with each other once I get out of work. We always manage to have fun one way or another and I’m dying to be in her pool with her right now because it’s humid as hell and we have the AC off in my house.
All in all, though, things are good. I have to find a way to motivate myself more at work, though. One can only be stepped on so many times before they lose a little of the pep in their step. I’m trying my best to rectify things and get back on track to moving up, but I also want to, at least, enjoy my summer with Melanie before really buckling in and pushing it hard at work. It may not be the brightest decision for the long term, but maybe I need to enjoy the present, for once.
Excuse me if this has all been a bit scattered. I have no attention span today.
As you guys and girls should know, Joe and I will be heading out on our baseball road trip starting on Monday, June 23rd. We’ll be hitting Cleveland, Detroit and Pittsburgh. As a way of keeping everyone involved and the site active, I’ll be turning on the Twitter posts. Basically, every day (I believe at midnight), all my Twitter posts from the day will be gathered up and posted as a journal entry on this site. I’ll be “tweeting” more than usual as a way of making sure it’s an interesting read. I hope you all enjoy it or at leats manage to kill some time by reading it.
It’s not secret that I haven’t had much time to post on the site lately. However, I have been pretty proficient at updating my Twitter status (right side) quite often. The plugin that I use to include my latest Twitter status on the right side of the site also gives me the option of automatically creating a new post every day with all of my Tweets from that day. Would you guys be interested in that or would it come off as just being filler content? Sound off in the comments and let me know.
I’ve been on a Weezer kick, as of late, after buying and loving their new album. This one is an older song, off of “Maladroit”, but it’s a catchy tune and I’ve been listening to it A LOT, lately. Enjoy.
I’d like to find the inventor of insecure synthetics
And choke him for a bit, just choke him ’til I get it
Cause I don’t understand every damn desire
To conceal away the honesty and wear the label liar
But why do you aspire to change those pretty colors?
Explain to me the reason to change them to another
Let’s say that I’m a lover of the picture right before me
Why do you all assume that the image is so boring?
So, witness me imploring you for any kind of reasoning
Is it for the fun or the spice of varied seasoning?
What is this obsession with your dyes and all these plastics
It’s enough to grade my mind and encourage me to trash it
And do it in a fashion that could be so damn destructive
With fire from the spirit of a man that’s so digusted
Let’s take this vision public and skip right past the effigy
I’ll burn the pretty colors until there’s nothing left to see
So fuck what they’ll sell to see and fuck all these gels
And fuck all the plastics that these magazines sell
And fuck all the blues and then fuck all these reds
And then fuck the synthetics that fuck up your head
And fuck all the lies that wish you to take part in
And fuck every truth that we’ve ever put heart in
Fuck what’s been given, let’s just fuck it all up
Cause I’m too sick and tired to just give a fuck
Notes: One of the first poems in a long time that felt really good to write. Some aren’t going to like it because of the cursing and some won’t like it because of what inspired it all, but it’s really a general rant about the world and one that felt good to get off my chest.